IELTS Academic Writing Sample, Academic Support: Ask Study Coach Blog

If you are preparing for IELTS and heading for University, you should practise academic writing and learn how markers will score your writing, IELTS test takers have asked for more resources, so hopefully the following from Ask Study Coach will prove to be helpful. 

Academic Writing for IELTS has much in common with academic writing for a University assignment, though of course the word limit for a piece of writing for an IELTS test is usually 250 words or thereabout, compared to a 2,000 – 3,000 university essay writing task. Let’s have a look at a question for IELTS Academic Writing.

QUESTION: Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. 

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? 

This question is taken directly from IELTS; test takers are advised to spend about 40 minutes on this task. In addressing the question you are expected to give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You are also advised to write at least 250 words. Test takers should note the words ‘at least’ this indicates that you are expected to write more than 250 words. If the thought of writing 250 words sounds scary at this stage of your preparation, then Study Coach would suggest that you increase your writing practise. Study Coach would now like to present to you a test taker answer to the set question, and invite you to analyse the answer and furthermore to take note of the Examiner’s Feedback and Mark. When reading the answer do remember that this is the test taker’s opinion, you don’t have to agree with the test taker. You should read the answer to assess the following:

Style of writing

Level of details

Structure

Length of Answer 

You could then attempt to write your own answer, and compare it with the sample. There is a tendency for students to memorise text and to regurgitate the words, this is a pointless exercise. What students should aim to do is to acquire a wide vocabulary during learning for an IELTS exam, and to improve own thinking skills. 

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Here is the Test Taker Sample Answer 1 typed-up with the many errors :

“I disagree that point about children bought up in families. because I shows that situation arounds me at our country parents. They wont they had everything give to their children but their behaviour is not good effect to them

On the other hands. children brought up by wealthy parents. they are strong, that means they can do prepare to deal with the problems of adults life

In my case I start work from 20 ages I had social experience and I got a money for myself. however. My age is late to work by children ages and I heard about child doing work by another countries that countries had a culture about children

That is they doing work for their pocketmoney.

they could their money buy something or entrance to the bank also, our covetry chidlerns do this. but many chidrens accept the money by their parents which persons got a pocket money over the 20 ages 

I think if children’s had a work and they study at money. they perfectly prepared their adult life after they must be parents.”

Sample 1 Answer received the following Feedback from IELTS: 

Examiner Comments/Feedback Band 4 

While it is obviously related to the topic, the introduction is confusing and the test taker’s position is difficult to identify. Ideas are limited and although the test taker attempts to support them with examples from experience, they remain unclear. There is no overall progression in the response and the ideas are not coherently linked. Although cohesive devices are used, they assist only minimally in achieving coherence. The range of vocabulary is basic and control is inadequate for the task. Language from the input material is used inappropriately and frequent errors in word choice and collocation cause severe problems for the reader. Similarly, the range of structures is very limited, the density of grammatical and punctuation error is high and these features cause some difficulty for the reader. Attempts to use complex structures, such as subordination, are rare and tend to be very inaccurate. 

Here is sample 2 accompanied by Feedback: 

Here is Test Taker 2 and the Answer given to the same question typed-up :

“I greatly support the idea about children who are brought up in families that do not have huge amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. I support it, because of the following reason.

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are wise in a certain psychological values. Such as the value of hardwork, discipline, they are used to be in the condition here money doesn’t come easily

They have to earn it. Oppose to it, a child who comes from a wealthy family is used to have money all the time. Whenever they want something, the money is eacilly gave to them as if everyday are their birthday

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are well trained to face adulthood. They are well prepared to see the fact that the world is a very tough place. They watched their parent everyday worked very hard just to put food on the table. They have the advantage to see the reality and embrace it, set their mind that they too have work hard for their future, their own dreams, their authentic self. A child that came from a wealthy family doesn’t always have this advantage. This is because their eyes are blinded the power of money. that their parent has They also have a disadvantage of a family love life.  Commonlly  wealthy parents express love by money. They love their children, so they bought them cars, expensive clothes, toys, but they are never home when their children needs them. The basic necessity of compassion isn’t fulfilled in this kind of family. The impact to a child is that they will grow up and think that money is everything, that the source of happiness is money. They don’t care about other people, they only care about money. The problem is they don’t know how to get it, they’ve been spoiled at the time, so doesn’t have the time to discover the art of money making, only money spending. On the contrary children from families that do not have large amount of money will grow up with the cense of respect for money, they know how to get it and use it well. They know how to face adult life problems because they’ve been watching since they were a child. But a wealthy child is always to busy with himself to know that.”    

Here is the Examiner’s comments (Band 6.5) for Test Taker 2

The arguments in this response are generally well developed, ideas are appropriate and there is a clear position. (It is a shame that the first paragraph, and beginning of the second are mainly copied from the rubric.) Better use of paragraphing would have allowed a clearer focus to some of the supporting points and prevented the lapse into generalisation towards the end. Nevertheless, there is a generally clear progression with a good arrangement of opposing arguments. Referencing is usually accurate and effective, but better use of linkers would have improved the cohesion. Vocabulary is varied and used with some flexibility. The choice is not always precise but the test taker can evidently incorporate less common/idiomatic phrases into the argument and there is a good range that is generally accurate. The repetition of language from the rubric, while integrated, reveals a lack of ability to paraphrase. Regular errors detract from the use of a range of structures, although they do not detract from overall clarity. This is a generally good response to the task, but the weaknesses in organisation and grammatical control limit the rating to Band 6.5. 

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